When in Doubt, Consult Your 90-Year Old Self

So often I'm struck by a sense of 'I don't know what to do!' whether it's in my parenting, relationships, physical health or work. 

And then I experience the double whammy - first the pain of struggling, and then the pain on top of the pain from the fear of not knowing.

But I've learned to ask myself a simple question that unhooks me from the fear, doubt, agony and angst.

This question feels like magic.

I share it with my clients every day and it is magic for them, too.

What does your 90-year old self have to say about this?

Suddenly, there is a shift.

A serene, wise part of you wakes up, and says, 'Oh hello, dear. I'm so glad you asked...'

This part, this 90-year old self, is miraculously calm, not burdened by what-will-they-thinks and perfectionist panics. This wise, old woman has clarity, a soft sense of humor, and loves you oh so very much. 


Step One: Imagine Her.

For me, she's got long gray hair wrapped in a thick bun on the back of her neck. She sways in a rocking chair on a wide wrap-around porch, watching younglings chase and squeal, and enjoying the rhythmic creak of the screen door as her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren move in and out of the family home. I imagine sitting by her side, not face to face, and listening to her wisdom....


Step Two: Ask Her Questions.

Here are my favorites:

Why is this so hard for me right now?

She's pretty good at seeing where I'm being too hard on myself, what I'm most afraid of, and what I'm most longing for.

What's important in this situation?

She helps me laugh away the petty details that I'm stuck on, and see the bigger themes at play.

What should I do next?

She may be old and into the big meaning-of-life stuff, but she's surprisingly good with details. She helps me locate the best next step, which usually involves some combination of chilling-the-eff-out and being more courageous.


Step Three. Become Her.

She's not just there as abstract inner wisdom. Your 90-year old self can also be a very concrete person who you decide to become more and more like.

She is what you're all about.

Notice how she dresses and let yourself look more like her today.

Notice the pace of her breath, the rate of her speech and let yourself sound more like her today.

Notice how she holds her body, what she does with her hands, how she leans in to hear you speak and let yourself feel more like her today.


With love from my 90-year-old self to yours,


p.s. - If you'd like help using your 90-year-self as a guide to reach important goals in your personal or professional life, reach out to set up a Complimentary Consultation Session with me and we'll see what she has to say about what your best next steps are.