Preventing Self-Sabotage

You know that thing where you wake up 150% committed to being patient, never yelling (no! never again!) and really appreciating the small sweet morning moments with your beautiful?

Fast forward 45 seconds and OH MY GOD! You're late, can't find the littlest one's other shoe, did your husband really just take the last drop of COFFEE?!?!

Yell. Yell.

Snap. Snap.

Womp. Womp.

Isn't that just the worst? Not only are you pissed and irritable and all kinds of stabby, you're also SUPER bummed and disappointed with yourself. (Note: you can also insert 'eat all the candy' or 'scroll all the Facebook' or 'say yes to all the things' into this scenario).

What is my problem?!?! Why can't I get it together?!?!

The problem is that you need more than good intentions to make real change. You need more than trying harder, tightening up, giving yourself a good shame-beating for every failure.

Since you are such a thoughtful, enlightened, emotionally sensitive person, your problem has nothing to do with not knowing enough about what to do in the moment.

Your problem is that you're expecting change to happen without CREATING A CONTEXT that supports that change.

What do I mean 'creating a context'?

I mean changing what is happening inside you and outside of you (or how you're relating to both), so that change is possible.

If you're current CONTEXT is too tired, too harsh with yourself, not enough breaks, not enough pleasure, there is no amount of trying that is going to result in a more peaceful, happy, mindful You.

When you create a CONTEXT of more self-compassion, slower pacing, fewer demands, more open time to just be, then this peaceful, happy, mindful You can show up, and show up consistently, day after day, year after year.

You can't expect the change to happen by willpower alone. You need to take a holistic approach based in the assumption that you are entitled to feel good, live well, and be happy. Create the context, and the change becomes possible.

With oodles of love and optimism,

Dr. J